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6/19/09

Now What?

June, 2008

The lovely dining room at Emerald Pond.

So, Kay and Russ have both left and I am alone...with our mother. Russ has her name on a waiting list for an assisted living place in WI, but [in my heart of hearts] I don't think that she'll move up there, not willingly. And quite frankly, I don't think they really want her to either.

She can't find anything in her new place, even though Kay and I showed her where everything is several times. She doesn't bother (or can't) to look for things, doesn't occur to her to open a drawer. If it's not out in the open - one of us kids took it. She doesn't get that she can take Mookie out after 8 PM when the doors are locked, because she has a key. But in her brain 8 PM is it, so Mookie is peeing on the carpet by the front door. I can't decide if this is stroke brain or spite. She's very unhappy. Still having her two phone calls a day with EBF. Nothing makes my skin crawl quite as much as hearing my 72 year old mother tell her 55 year old married "boyfriend" that she loves him. UGH. and yuk.

She's down to insulin twice a day, 15 units in the AM and 20 units in the PM. We hire a lovely woman named Tracy to oversee the process, just to make sure it get done correctly. She's also supposed to check that Mom takes her other meds because stroke brain has turned Mom into a big fat liar. Not on purpose, but she either doesn't remember that she hasn't taken it or thinks "yes" is the answer we all want to hear. If you check she gets MAD.

After one visit to the doctor she refuses to go again, because he told her to quit smoking. Literally slams the door in my face when I come to pick her up. She hangs up on me if she doesn't like what I'm saying or is done talking. This happens most every time I call her or if she calls me. If I don't/can't drop everything I'm doing and take her to Wal-Mart to buy cigarettes RIGHT NOW, well - "CLICK"!

A conversation is difficult if not impossible, she's weepy and defensive about everything. Her sense of humor has disappeared and she's incapable of expressing any appreciation. I don't know how to be with her, it's like having a 7 year old cranky zombie for a mother. All her filters are gone, she says mean and inappropriate things.

We found some jewelry that Mom was sure her niece had stolen after house sitting. Instead of being excited or remorseful that she had falsely accused someone of stealing, she just said "Oh."

It's just so weird.
I don't like her very much.

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