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9/4/11

Cleaning House

Here's how the housecleaning ritual works for me:

Step One: Get the vacuum out of the closet.

Step Two: Let it sit in the living room for days, (okay, okay!), I mean, weeks, waiting for it to magically clean the house by itself. Or maybe those damn cats will stop using the hose as an attack launch site, GET THE HINT and learn to vacuum. (Or stop shedding completely.)

Sigh. None of those things ever happen.

Step Three: Go on a tear and clean everything - in the front part of the house that is - including steam cleaning the floors.

Then I'm sweaty and exhausted and NEVER want to have to clean again. That never happens either.

When I was little (around three) I had a crush on Mr. Clean. That's right, you heard me. The bald headed, earring wearing, genie-in-a-lamp-looking, cartoon man. This cartoon crush led to my liking of bald men.

Pretty sure this should be addressed in therapy.

 It's quite possible he was the reason I married my ex-husband, since his pate was clean shaven at the time of meeting.
(The power of advertising!)

(Want to win at trivia? Mr. Clean's first name is Veritably.)

Once, a bald man bought my mother and I lunch. We were both wearing hats and looked pretty stunning and it's possible he thought  we were high priced call girls...escorts. Joke was on him.

That's the only time anything like that has ever happened to me, unless you count that time in Ireland when this young man asked if I cared for a "bit of sport". He took it pretty well when I declined. He wasn't bald or I might have considered it. (just kidding people.) Also, he was very drunk and I was not. It might have turned out differently if things had been reversed.


(An aside: Proctor and Gamble, Mr. Clean's parents, has taken to assuming that I want Febreeze in my Magic Erasers, (which I am totally over the moon about - Magic Erasers, not Febreeze). P&G, I would like to go on record as Do Not Like-ing. I can't get the perfumey stink off my hands.)

While we're on the subject of my cartoon boyfriend - someone told me he was gay. They said that about Bert and Ernie too.
I find this hilarious.

First - Are you kidding?
Second - My cartoon BF is not gay!





3 comments:

  1. Who DIDN't have a crush on Mr. Clean? That is the question.

    And regarding the commercial you posted, once Mr. Annoying-Musical-Rhyming-Guy is out of the house -- The Return of Mr. Clean! Or maybe Mighty Mouse.
    CP Anon

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  2. A fun read as always, but if you are really as you say about cleaning, then why does your house always look so absolutely perfect when you share a picture? I think that vacuum must lead a secret life.

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  3. @ Andrea - that is hilarious.
    Of course the camera only works when the house is clean. Like right before book club.

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