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12/7/11

It Is Done

Today, December 7, 2011 at about 10:05 AM, Mom crossed over.
She'd been trying to get over, (and I'd been encouraging her along, believe me), since Saturday.

Sunday she said "Omar" very clearly, and "Elka", a little less clearly.
I don't know anyone named Omar or Elka, except for Omar on The Wire. (And yes, he is my boyfriend.)

I said if they're here to take you, you just go ahead on Mom.

She didn't listen.

I said a lot of things on Sunday. I got mad at her. Told her she was being a stubborn Florida mule.
Then switched tactics and told her we all loved her and she was free to go. Told her she did a good job and we would be okay. Go be with Dad and Mookie and Whiskey...[inserted all the dead people and pets I could conjur up].
I went through a box of Kleenex. I cried and railed at God and told him I was going to be pissed at Him if she was in pain. (He knows me, it's okay).
I told her that she was pissing Jesus off by keeping him waiting. Someone pointed out that since she wasn't a money changer in the temple, I was probably lying on that last one.

I read Alice in Wonderland to her. We looked at pictures. I timed the breathing stoppages and the moaning intervals. I watched The Last Time I Saw Paris. 

I reminisced about things. All the crappy artwork on the mantle. Keeping my Girl Scout pin and the award I won for writing in 8th grade in her jewelry box. Her goofy cookie making habits (the recipe says it makes five dozen, dammit I'm going to get at least that), having a laughing spell in the frozen food aisle at Big and Crusty Bagels in Publix. (Who would give that name to a food item?!)

She stopped talking on Monday. They increased her morphine to a bigger dose, every hour if needed.
When she slept, I could go home. That was our drill for four days.

Steffi was with me (thanks for that), this morning when it happened.

She did it on her own terms. Like she did everything else.

I love you Mom.





7 comments:

  1. Oh Kim :( I'm sad for you but happy that your mom's path through this crappy disease is over. I am thinking about you and your family.

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  2. Kimmie, every mother should be so lucky to be so loved. My heart embraces you tonight.

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  3. Kim, even in the darkest hours.. You have a way with words.. Brings tears to my eyes but a smile on my face. I am glad that Aunt Betzi is no longer in this world to suffer with such a terrible disease... I am glad she is at peace now. You brought so many blessings, feelings, sadness And happiness in your blog.. I know it must have helped you to get through these past years .. But I wanted you to know it also helped me to get to know Betzi in her early years, to love and appreciate her for the unique lady she was and will continue to be in our hearts and memories.. Love you and so admire you... We will always be your family in Florida

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  4. My thoughts and prayers are with you Kim. I know your mom is with those who have gone before her, maybe she will meet my Mom, Dad and brother Dave up there:-)
    God bless you Kim and may his love surround you at this difficult time.

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  5. Hi Kim

    I am sending you loving thoughts of support at this awful time. Losing a mother is such a loss and you miss them every day. She was such a lucky mom to have a loving, caring and involved daughter to be with her during her journey home, sadly, through the curse of her disease.
    Just know that many people's hearts are with you, even this one from the west coast of Australia.

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  6. Oh Kim, I was so sorry to come here today and read this. I enjoyed your stories about your mother so much these past few months and I can hardly believe she is gone. You made her so alive to all of us and I do thank you for that. My condolences to you during this difficult time and may God comfort you as only He can. Hugs, Debra

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  7. Sorry to be so late commenting Kim but it has been a busy time for this old guy. I echo others that have said how luck your mom was to have you around during her ordeal. I too am sorry for your loss but I know there must be a peace as she has passed into a better place with no pain. God bless you from Linda & I.

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