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Clean Up Woman

I was crabby with a side of no patience yesterday. There were lots of "I had a red one but the wheel fell off" types of conversations. I had to repeat every single thing I said. And then she'd say "I know that." Arrrgggggghhhhh.

We looked at pictures before we went to supper. She said my brother was her husband. Sam was the "little one" and Dakota was "the other one". She did know her aunts and her mom.

Have taken over the washing of her clothes, as she doesn't have the wherewithal to put her dirty ones in the clothes basket in the first place and out on Friday in the second place. Maybe we can save some money on her "personal care".
She folds up the dirty clothes and lines the perimeter of her bed with them. She kept trying to take out the dirty clothes out of the laundry basket and fold them.

Handed her a pair of clean pants and she threw them on the floor. I asked if she wanted to hang them up or put them in a drawer, she said she'd carry them. She was carrying a paperback book and her Anon. CP pouch (she loves it).

I hung up all the clean clothes, sorting her shirts by color - who knows if that will help. I couldn't find the shirt we bought two weeks ago. Where does she hide this stuff?! It's one room! And she doesn't remember the shirt, so it does no good to describe it to her - yet I did it anyway.

Went to Nantucket Grill. She had her usual filet and mashed. The server was very perky and Mom kept making fun of things she said when she waited on other customers.
While I was cutting up her steak, she occupied herself by touching all of my onion rings. Gaaaa! Got pouty when I said to stop and told me I was ugly. I said she was too (it was just that kind of day). She said she didn't believe me.

I'm pissed/hurt/sad I don't have her support or advice or comfort anymore, especially now.


  1. Oh dear. I can't imagine how hard this all is.

    Perhaps you can simply see this time, this season, as your turn to give her what she always gave you before. To keep it that simple, to find joy in being able to serve her with love... and then find what you need, personally, someplace else? Perhaps? Just a thought.

    Hang in there. I think you're doing amazingly well. Blessings, Debra

  2. Trading "you're ugly" is kind of hitting conversational rock bottom, true, but at least neither of you believed it. And even when your onion rings are being mauled or you're enduring the stinkeye, you are being a great comfort to her, so there is that. Very hard though to be without the mom aspects you've counted on. Anon/CP.

  3. Hang in there Kim! Keep posting, it is therapy. With so many awful things that have happened in my life in the last 3 years blogging has kept me somewhat sane:-)

  4. Well, you can't blame her for the touching. I have to touch every onion ring I see, too; they're so DELICIOUS YUM YUM FRY.

    Sorry it was such a tough day. I know it doesn't help to say I don't know how you do it, but: I don't how you do it. I do, however, know that you _are_ doing it, and doing it really, really well.

  5. Oh Kim. That woman in the picture would never call you ugly. She'd never hurt you. The loss of her and the knowledge that she's not coming back and yet you have to find that damn shirt (and find patience for all the rest)--of course you feel bereft. I'm so sorry.

  6. Thanks everyone.
    Debra - I can't get any of my needs met by her anymore. Sometimes it's just sad and I miss her.

    Ah Kathiey - Every time I see you/or read your blog, your upbeat spirit shines through. I know you brighten the lives of everyone who knows you.

    Anon/CP - conversational low is right and damn funny - as usual. Nothing like stooping the kindergarten level of your mother. "I'm rubber and you're glue...!"

    Kate - LOL for Delicious Yum Yum Fry! Oh yes, indeed.

    Andrea - true, the woman in the picture thought never would do those things. I wish she was here.