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A Fallow Period

Fallow: not in use; inactive: My creative energies have lain fallow this year.

Yep, that's me right now.

I'm sad about my mother. Sad that there is less and less of her every time I go. Sad about me and my cowardly ways.
Can I confess that I hope for the big one for her? I really do.
Last year when I was working for The realtor Dude, one of his colleagues, a very funny woman whose father was in a similar situation to Mom's, said all she wanted for Christmas was for her father to die. He waited until New Year's.
It sounds so crass, but, boy, I totally get it.

And then I worry about who's going to take care of me.


So anyway, I took the Windows phone back and paid for an Android - which I LOVE.
8 mega pixel camera (I think that's more than my "real" camera), an e-book reader - which remembers where I left off - shut up. And - I have reception in my office.


  1. Your Pink Motel girls are here and many, many others. Anon CP

  2. Oh, Kimmie, I understand. I didn't go through nearly what you're going through with my grandmother as you with your mom but I know the feeling of just wishing it would be over, that I'd be able to remember what she was really like and not be constantly reminded of how much of her was gone. And, that seemed so unfair for her as well.

  3. Oh Kim, I just read this. I'm way behind (with everything). Your mom's situation (and consequently your relationship to it) is so different from what Alice and I are going through. I have a friend whose mother has dementia. He won't say what you're saying out loud, but I know he feels it.
    Tough, so very tough. If you were here, I'd insist we go for a walk in one of our huge Portland parks. All you'd do is look up at old, old trees and love yourself in the midst of the green, green life and let all else fall away. (Flowers are good, too; flowers are always good, aren't they?) Big hug to you.