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Soul Mate

My friend's (isn't it funny how someone you've never met can be one?) post over at As I See It Now this morning made me think about my mother's life.

Her past life that is.

My parents were an anomaly for their generation.

For instance:
  • My mother had her own checking account and credit cards
  • My father helped with the cooking every night
  • My mother (after we were older) worked and volunteered
  • My father taught me to vacuum
  • My mother (extrovert) had her own interests and friends
  • My father (introvert) was okay with that

For the first eight or so years of their marriage, my father was out to sea (Coast Guard) for months at a time. My mother HAD to be independent; deal with three children and a household on her own, with no family back-up, in Alaska or Guam or Hawaii. She too had to be "Semper Paratus" (always ready).

My parents were both the first (and only) of their siblings to leave not just their families but the states (FL and GA) they grew up in. The two of them secretly dreamt of being nomads perhaps.
Mom, at twenty, flew from Florida to Sitka, Alaska with a two and a half month old baby (me) to set up housekeeping. Talk about leaving the nest!

After my father died, Mom traveled, went to plays, to T.O.P.S meetings and events, talked on the phone for hours, sewed her Barbie clothes - all the things she did before he died. They had been married since she was nineteen; forty-three years. They were a team, and they each pulled their own weight.

But he wasn't her best friend.

I can hear the Oh-that's-SO-sad's right now.
That's what your girlfriends are for.
Don't burn those bridges when going through your "boyfrienditis" stage. You'll be needing them later when you realize NO ONE PERSON - even if they want to - can supply everything.

Spouses/significant others are expected to be and do everything these days: "soul-mates" (a phrase that sends shivers down my spine - in a bad way), "best friends", and the popular "complete them" (gag me!). What nonsense.
Let's set ourselves up for disappointment shall we? Is it a wonder the divorce rate is near 50%? We expect so much from the other person. Who can bear up under that pressure?!

Complete your own darn self.
Let your own light shine. And don't sit around waiting for someone else to flip the switch for you.
You'll be a lot happier and attract a better group of moths.


  1. Well now.... I'm back home, in that purgatory between girlfriend vacation and marriage & work, trying to put words around what I feel. And there you go. You wrote my blog for me. Done. Might as well just post a link to you and say - read this. This is what I'm talkin' about.

    YOU - dear girlfriend, are what Steve can never be. (And - I wouldn't want him to be! eeewwwee!!!) But I need YOU in my life as much as I need HIM. Just in different ways. What's pretty cool is that he knows this.

    Thanks for helping me remember again for the first time.

  2. Oh! Loved this post and your mom sounds amazing, like one of the women I most respect and admire. Good for her.

    And thanks for another mention here in your blog! I do appreciate it much. Yes, you are one of my new friends, even sight unseen. Hey, it's the way of this modern world and I'm very cool with that. :) Blessings, Debra