Follow by Email

8/27/11

Things My Mother Told Me


You know what? I got very little.


Anon CP has great Things-My-Mother-Told-Me stories. Real southern lady things - like how to handle yourself on those tricky subjects of age and men.

Now that's not to say my mother didn't tell me how to act - I just didn't pay attention.

Here's what I do remember:
Never wear white before Easter or after Labor Day. Never mind why. No-one knows. It is THE RULE.

Ladies didn't swear. (anyone who's around me for about three seconds knows that went right over my head).

Never return a dish empty. Even though this doesn't always happen, I always think about it when I don't.

Always tell people to come back anytime - even when you're praying to sweet baby Jesus they never darken your door again.

If you can't say anything nice - don't say anything at all.

On my self esteem:
When some stupid boy told me my eyes bugged out, she told me I had bedroom eyes - like Elvis Presley.
Ha ha stupid boy!

My legs were a harder sell.
I have large calves. Knee socks and boots were out of the question. (Knee socks only came to half calf, boots needed an elastic gore the size of Texas). I didn't go to my eighth grade graduation because it meant wearing a dress, on stage, with my ham sized calves on full display to accept an award.
My mother valiantly tried to save the day by telling me they were "athletic looking". And believe me...she did some searching for the word "athletic".
(My brother inherited my mother's thin legs, while my sister and I got the Scottish peasant legs. Proof positive life is not fair.)

On comforting:
During thunderstorms in Miami, she would sit in the bathroom with all three of us with the lights off and write our names in the air with her lit cigarette. (In retrospect, this seems more along the lines of a bad idea/child abuse.)

On boys:
She didn't like me hanging around certain friends because they were "boy crazy". Confession: I am still unclear what that means and how them being that way impacted me. Good thing I didn't have girl children.

Wish I had known she wasn't going to be around to remind me of my faux pas later on. I'd have paid more attention.


No comments:

Post a Comment